Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Really Big Bowl Of Random 4

 Don't you hate movies that keep going and going with really crappy sequels? I know. The sequels are never as good as the first one. Hence, why I am writing the Really Big Bowl of  Random 4. There still hasn't been a good one of these. The bar has been set really low. I am guessing by the end of this, the bar will be even lower. These are just random thoughts that are not big enough to have their own blog. And away we go........... Oh and No Slurping.

One year ago, I moved to Arkansas. I know what you are thinking. How are you and your cousin doing in a relationship? First of all, You are an ass. What makes you think that little ole me would follow into a stereotype? Do I look like a complete dumb ass? We are doing fine. I never thought I would be ousted by my own readers.

Some things I have learned while living in Arkansas: No matter what I do, I will be a Damn Yankee. I am proud of myself that I have never busted into High Enough yet.

If you don't like ice tea that will give you a diabetic shock and cornbread, Get the fuck out. Phew. Good thing I like both. All I have to do to make tea sweet is stick my finger in it.

The first time I hang out with people here. They try to get me to go snipe hunting. Do I look like a fool? OK. You got me on that one. However, I remember that episode of Doug where Roger takes him out in the woods. He tells him that they are going to bag a nematoad. Who says you can't learn anything from watching T.V.

Rice fields being burnt will bend me over backwards and fuck me without lubrication. My allergies were so bad, I couldn't look at a Chinese Restaurant without sneezing.

The next girl I get into a relationship with must be willing to dress like a Hooters girl and serve me hot wings. I will not be wearing any pants. Of Course.

We were doing our weekly Wednesday night pool shooting. A big guy walks up to us. I am thinking he was a little drunk. He said that we look like we were out of a Rob Zombie movie. Hell to the mother Fucking YES!!!! I am going with House of a 1000 Corpses. Seriously, do I look that weird? Don't answer that!

I got the urge one night to take care of some business one night.  Don't judge me. I am a very lonely man. Hence, me lip syncing to some Miley Cyrus. Something had arose on me. I needed to take care of it. I found a paper towel to put my man juice in. I sit it on my night stand and fall back a sleep. I need my beauty sleep. A couple of days later, I started sneezing in the middle of the night. DAMN RICE!!!! Well, I was awoke from a deep sleep cause of this. I am blindly searching for something to blow my nose on. I found a paper towel sitting on my night stand. I blow my nose in it and slowly back up. It is the same paper towel that was used a couple of nights ago. I know what it feels like to be in a porn movie.

Well, this bowl has ran dry. Do not forget to check out the Craving Humor Store or Pick Up sarcastically Sophisticated on Amazon.

Richard Isaak
Only Funny @ 4:21