Thursday, May 05, 2011

An Open Letter

What up Putas!!!! It is your favorite foul mouthed cartoon writer Stick Figure ( I am gonna go looking for a street walking ho, She if she is dumb enough to let me cover her tits in Mayo. She is gonna be cheap cause all i am paying is a dime. To celebrate fucking her and the holiday, I am gonna pop open a corona with lime.) Dan. I figured it would be good for me to jump in the festivities today. I know Richard, is. I figure he is laying in his bed right now, completely buck ass naked, rolling around a pile of re-fried beans pretending he is a human fajita, touching him self to Shakira music videos. There is a mental image for you. Try to go eat now. I know that kinky bastard somehow found a tortilla shell big enough for his fat ass. It also can double as a parachute. I wanted to take this time to write a letter to my favorite place to eat. That is where I am going to be spending the holiday myself. While you are eating authentic Mexican food tonight, I will be celebrating with 4th meal.

Dear, Taco Bell

FUCK! Your food is better than sex with Richard. (Well that doesn't take much. Hold on let me ask the woman I stole from him..... She said a 7 layer burrito would show more love and affection than him. Plus you could actually feel the burrito inside of you. Ouch. Truth hurts. Sorry about your small problem.) When I get blitzed on tequila, I come thru your drive thru. I order about 45 dollars worth of food. And that is just for me. My favorite thing to order from you menu is simple. It is the normal taco. I don't care if the meat is real or not, it is more addictive than crack. I do have a complaint. How is there such a thing as a soft shell taco? Honestly that is nothing more than an overqualified burrito. When, you eat it you end rolling it up like a burrito. So call it the taco burrito. A Taco has a hard shell! That is all. I love you more and more each day. If i had to choose between you and women. Well, i would choose women but I would sneak behind their back to eat your steak quesadilla. Thank you for being there when we need you.

Your Loving Patron
Stick Figure Dan