Friday, June 10, 2011

The Return Of The Big Bowl Random (The Non Manly Edition)

I have finally come to terms over the last few days that I am a semi chubby sissy. I do things that make people question the fact if I am a man or not. Its kinda sad. I might have 3 testicles but they don't help me make decisions. Well, actually they do and those decisions are fun. Damn you craigslist. Here is a list of things i know I can't do if I want to prove my manly status.

Why does an almost 27 year old male still watch Nickelodeon? You think it might be for Spongebob Squarepants but for me the reason is not a cartoon. This is very hard for me to admit. I watch Nick on Saturday nights at 7 o clock. I am a fan of iCarly. Stop laughing. It's a funny show damn it.

I was on the way to the movie theater to see what was playing. We were trying to decide on a movie that would be good for a date. We decide on the Shia Labeouf movie Disturbia. On our way back to the dorms at Missouri Southern, we see someone jogging. Legs that go on for days, a rocking killer body, and long flowing blonde hair. Guess what? He was from Germany. That is right, HE. I felt really weird. We mentioned never to talk about this. He did look better from behind. Wait a sec. Please strike that last statement from the record.

I have horrible taste in music sometimes, I love Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Kesha, Christina Aguliera, but someone i like to sing is some Miley Cyrus. Party in The USA is my jam y'all!!! When i was a youngin I owned both Spice Girls CDs. I was all about getting me some girl power. Wow, I am starting to think wtf is wrong with me.

I remember staying home from school and one thing I liked watching other than game shows was Talk Shows. I loved Maury. His shows about baby daddies makes me feel better about myself. I was with 1000 men, who is the father of of my love baby named Billy Bob. However, there was one type of show, He did that makes a normal person wonder about themselves. Those damn guess the gender shows. Holy shit, Doug look at chick she is hott. That has to be a woman. Reveal yourself, My name is Barry. FUCK!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!

I am afraid of some things. One of them is spiders. I was riding in a car with a friend. All of a sudden a spider comes down on my shoulder. I start screaming like a 10 year old at a Wiggles concert. I yell get it OFF!!!! O!!! F!!!! F!!!! I screamed for a good ten minutes and I cried a little.

The girl I am dating can whip my ass. I know who wears the pants in the relationship. Sunday, we had an arm wrestling match and I went down faster than Vegas hooker on a wiener.

From this day forward, I have decided to work on manliness. Its going to be a long and winding road but I have friends who will keep hitting me in the testiculars if I do something girly

Needless to say, I may not be the manliness guy on the planet but I do make up for it in the bedroom. I have 100s of posters of Rachael Ray and Blanche from the Golden Girls.