Monday, August 01, 2011

An Open Letter

Ladies and gentleman, I am back!!! It has been a long hiatus for me. Since there are people who don't know who I am let me introduce myself to the world. My name is Stick Figure ( I was in wal mart when I saw this sexy little slut, I took her home and just like Facebook I poked her in the butt. That one night stand was real treat. She will never forget the night I showed her my tweet!) Dan. I have been locked away in solitary confinement and what a crock of shit that I haven't been around. I guess the Akebono of the blogging world didn't want me around here anymore. Well, I looked at him one day and said let me write again or i am gonna tell everyone how much of a fat ass joke you really are. Have you been reading what he has wrote lately. He whines and bitches about his sad feelings, I swear he is going to become the fattest emo kid alive. Is your next blog gonna be about how much you love Fall Out Boy and skinny jeans. I would like to take bets on what is next blog will be about. My guess is that he is going to finally come out of the closet and how his hard on for Justin Bieber makes him cry in mall bathrooms. That takes care of that problem. Now, I have a couple of open letter that need to be read. Here is letter number 1

Dear Miley Cyrus,
I know you are some big pop star that had her own tv show, a couple of movies, and was caught smoking out of a bong. Way to be a role model Disney Princess. However, I was browsing youtube one day looking for some sexy vore videos. Vore is a fetish of people being eaten alive. I prefer my blonde bimbos to be ate by a plush monster. Speaking of swallowing, a list of Miley Songs popped up on the side. While a guilty pleasure of mine is doing a striptease to Party in The USA. I know Richard plays Can't be Tamed at some of his 54 men S&M parties. I heard a remake by you. Out of all the 80s ballads you choose to rape the goodness of, you choose Every Rose Has It's Thorn. The only thing you have in common with the greatness of Bret Michales, is the fact you are just like the skanks on Rock Of Love. A Walking STD! Next time you decide to remake a song, choose one of your own, because 98% of your music sucks a giant donkey dick.

Figure It Out,
Stick Figure Dan

PS. The only way I am going to take you seriously is if you grow a mullet like your Father!!!!

And Now for letter number 2

Dear Casey Anthony,

We get it. You got off with killing your child. What in the hell was in the brownies that jury was fed? Those brownies had to be laced with pot and little LSD for you to be found innocent. I don't whose dick you sucked or vagina you fingered but it happened. However, I have a problem for you and a statement. First of all, You are found innocent of killing your child. You are about as innocent as O.J. or Hitler killing the Jews. I wouldn't have made the statement that you want to have another child. Are you fucking stupid? That is throwing fuel on a fire already drenched in fuel. Let tell you what should happen. You should have your vagina removed by Stevie Wonder. You ask why Stevie Wonder? Well that answer is simple. It is cause he is blind. He wouldn't be able to see the black hole. Secondly, We know you are gonna write a tell all book. I hope the title isn't: How To Kill Your Child In 10 Days!!! If that doesn't work for you, we have an idea. We want you to be in a porn starring the male writers of The Buzz Kill Blog. We are gonna call it Brown Bag Special 3: Casey Anthony, Life's Abortion. i think that is a million dollar video.

Figure It Out
Stick Figure Dan

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