Thursday, September 01, 2011

You Make Your Own Happiness

April of 1997, I was 12 years old. I had no clue what my future was going to hold for me. I think we all dream at that age about being a sports star. I swear, I thought I was going to be a huge star on the Kansas City Royals. I know what a shitty team but if you play with half the talent that a normal player played with, You have a chance to be a star. During this time my Dad became sick. I was young and didn't really know what was going on. He had to have a routine gallbladder surgery. When, he came out, I knew something was wrong with him. He had a yellow color. I went to give him a hug cause like any other kid, I was scared. I pulled back after telling him that I love him, he started coughing up blood. My mom had a feeling that something was up.

He got to come home a day later. He looked like everything was fine but he started coughing up blood. He went back to the hospital. A week had gone by now. He was transferred from the Hospital in El Dorado Springs to Springfield. His health went down hill very quickly. The end of the week he was doing better, he was talking but still in an intensive care unit.

During that week at school, We had a spell-a-thon for Easter Seals. We went around town and got donations to see how many words we could spell. Who ever spelled the most and had the most donations would get to present the check on television for the Telethon. I was one of three that got to do this. I was excited to get to be on tv.

April 20th, 1997, I go with my friend Adrian and his dad to Springfield. I got to spend time with my dad before we went and tore up the town. At that age it meant my first trip to Bass Pro. I hate that store now but it's cause of this reason. We looked at fishing poles, and live fish for an hour so. It was a good time but it was off to the studio to present that big ass check. I can honestly it is pretty bad ass getting to hold one of those huge novelty checks. I go into the studio, get to tell the host my name and say hi to my Mom and my Dad. Make some people laugh and call it a day.

Meanwhile, at the hospital my dad said that was my son on tv. He was really proud of me. Right after that his health started to go. He knew he was going home. He looked at my mom, he told her to sell everything and move to make our lives better.

I showed up at the hospital cracking jokes, and walked out of the elevator to see my birth mother and mom crying. I knew something wasn't right. I went in the room. My dad was hardly holding on at that point. I had no clue. I told him I loved him and I can't wait to see him tomorrow. However, tomorrow didn't come. Right after that my mom asked Adrian and his Dad to take me home. I had no clue why at the time but I know now. Shortly after I left he passed away.

I was sitting at home in his chair when my mom and birth mom came in and told he had gone. I didn't want to believe it but it happened. He died of cancer which the doctors had no clue. He went in for that surgery and when he was opened up, the cancer spread through out his whole body.

I didn't know what to do at this time. I really didn't ever want to go back to school. What do I do. In Eldo 6th grade when I was there, you had 4 electives. There would be one each quarter. My dad passed when I was in the 4th quarter of school. My elective was drama. I had no clue how that was going to change my life forever. I remember coming into class the week after he passed away. My drama teacher decided that we would play freeze. It was one of my favorite improv games. Two people start a scene and in the middle of it someone would yell Freeze. The two actors would stop in the position they were in. The person who yelled it, would take one of their spots and start a new scene. That was the first time I was able to get my mind off everything. I got to play someone else and for that short minute or so. I didn't have a care in the world.

The next 2 years of middle school, I took drama and wanted to learn from everyone in the hs classes. That meant the world to me. I honestly knew what I wanted to do the rest of my life. I knew I wanted to make people smile.  It's kinda funny. I would always make a cheesy joke when I was younger. My dad one day looked at me and asked me if I was going to be a clown. Little did he know that is in a way what I would be doing. That is honestly why I feel I have been put on this earth. I LOVE PERFORMING!!!!!!! Stand up, improv, radio,writing, whatever I can do, I am going to try my hardest to do so. People go to school to follow their passions, take four years or longer, they get to experience their love. A comic gets to pay their dues. Getting knocked down, only to get back up again.

We have to make our own happiness.That is the best advice I have ever had in my entire life. Life is to short to be stuck in a bad situation. It has taken me 26 years to figure that out. That is why I do this. Making one person smile each day, I feel accomplished. Does it make me a lot, no. Will it one day? Fuck Yes, it will. I know eventually, I am going to be doing things on more grand stage. I know I am paying my dues right now. The day will come where you will get sick of hearing about me. I know then I am doing it right. My heart is in making people laugh. If you have a problem with that, I know a 3 year old who will hit you in the junk. He did it to me a lot.

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