Saturday, December 24, 2011

Letter To Santa (Stick Figure Dan)

Dear Fat Fuck In A Fuzzy Red Coat,

I guess it's that time a year again. You know the time of year that the other Fat Fuck in a red fuzzy hat asks me to write a letter to a make believe character. Well, I guess I will humor him just like I do every year. Why you ask, Santa? Cause, I have nothing else better to do. I have been a good Stick Figure. if the bell curve for Stick figures is me and they are named Dan. Well, you better give me what I want or i will kick you in the junk. First of all, I read that Whitney wants Tim Tebow for Christmas. Well instead my wish is that you give her a football player who is an atheist and has crabs. I am still waiting for that walking STD to admit that she has finally caught something that Doctor Who couldn't fucking figure out. Next author I want Justin to realize his dream of working at a convenience store being a real life Dante. The only thing missing please make it where his only fashion statement is his jeans inside his boots. I want Danielle to be left a guy who is covered in Nacho Cheese Doritos cheese, Why do you ask? Cause she slacked off this Christmas. Everyone should send her a coat with the number 24 on it. Chris Knight, Who the fuck is this guy? I don't know and probably don't really care. Last, but certainly not least, the man who inspired the Logo Network. I want Richard killed in only a way that would be suiting for him. I want to drown in a swimming pool full of Coke. Cause only communist drinks Pepsi, then i want his body donated to science. Then, it should be fed to a pack of fire ants in africa, then those ants gets eaten by a bird, which then gets eaten by Cheetah, which gets eaten by one Mr. Carrot top. I also want my god damn Slinky and a snuggie. I think that does it. Request my wishes and you dont get hurt. Do not give me what i asked for and your wife will be receiving a nice Pearl Necklace