Saturday, December 10, 2011

An Open Letter

The wait is over. I know you have gotten complacent without me. I am sick and tired of being thrown on the back burner. I know I am the god damn back bone of this here little blog. If you don't know my name is Stick Figure ( I once met a girl from Nantucket, I told her to get on her knees and suck it. Her mouth felt so great around my dick, 15 minutes later I shot her a nice white brick.) Dan. I have been doing some more important things then writing on this stupid piece of shit blog. I have been dating and actually hanging around real people unlike the other writers. (Mostly Richard) I wish he just go away. I am so sick of seeing him getting on here and talking about his love life. Want to know how to make you love life more enjoyable to our readers? Simple just put up blank posts. They will be much more enjoyable then saving us the pain of reading of your sappy ass shit. She loves me, She loves me not! No one cares. Not even your mother. Hell, the girls you write about, just giggle at how much of a puss you are. I saw movie this year that came out and it reminded me of you. Have you heard of Puss In Boots? You are still a man bitch. I wanted to take this time to write a new open letter before we get into the swing of the holidays. Before Richard gets so big we will be able to cut his stomach and stay warm in it. All Star Wars style. I want to send a little letter to a country music singer at this moment.

Dear Scotty McCreery,
I know you won a rigged reality show. You have a voice that sounds like you stole Justin Bieber's puberty. You know that you would have not had a snowball's chance in hell of winning that show if that British Twat Simon Cowell was on that show still. I am so happy that country music has it's Clay Aiken. I was fucking girl in the back of my Chevy Astrovan getting my groove when the radio started playing your song, I Love You This Big. The anthem of fourth grade playground love everywhere. Takes me back to a time of being 8, drinking milk out of a carton and trying to get the teacher to fuck me under the big orange slide. Good Times. You are 16 and the most feelings you can show is this big. Proof 1 that you like it in the ass. You can't even stretch out your arms all the way in the music video. Were you to damn sore from your all night sex romp with Steven Tyler. On a side note, all the judges off Idol now officially lost all talent cred with me by liking your ass. Scotty, you will be the first country music singer with a lisp since KD Lang or Mel Tillis. Who ever the fuck they are? No one actually listens to country music. Then, I was parked in my 89 firebird when all of a sudden the XM station I was listening to started playing The Trouble With Girls. Do you want to know what the problem for girls is for you? It's cause you don't like them. I need to wind this up by saying one thing. If you haven't figured it out, You need to come out of the closet. I know a fat ass guy, who will love you this big, and he writes for this here blog.

Figure it Out
Stick Figure Dan