Wednesday, February 29, 2012

A Humbled Beginning To A Bitter End Pt. 3

 If You missed part 2 here it is. PART 2
I walked through the door at the train station. I am ready to feel the embrace of a human. More importantly, two days without a shower is killing me. I smell like a homeless guy minus the urine. It was more of a small poo smell. I reek of awesomeness. Our eyes locked. I felt a spark. I now look back at it as maybe it was just hunger pains. Damn the fact that I hadn't had anything in my stomach since I arrived in Saint Louis. Our arms locked around each other. Neither one of us wanted to let go but, alas we had to. She wanted to blow that Popsicle stand. It was time to finally head off to my new home. We enter her chariot. A real muscle car. A manly car. A Ford Taurus. The first stop is finally getting some damn food, which I desperately needed. We decided to eat at the most romantic restaurant known to man. We ate at Chez Taco Bell. She didn't want to eat anything so I got to go into fat kid mode. She sat right across from me and watched me eat. Kinda weird. She broke down and bought something. After dinner, it was time to finally head to my new home.

We arrive shortly after 8 or 9. Hell if I remember the time. I have slept since then. What is the one thing a two hour car ride does to you after eating Taco Bell? A certain rumble starts in your stomach. It keeps burning and burning. Finally the time comes, Montezuma is having his revenge. ( Throughout the remainder of this story her name will be random 80's band names. I just wanted to throw that out there. Just wanted to clear up the confusion.) Skid Row has to go pick up her daughter from the babysitter. That leaves me all alone in the apartment to finally clean up. I drop a load south of the border. Have you ever pooped and felt so good you wanted to call someone? That is exactly what this was for me. It was amazing. One problem! The toilet wouldn't flush. I haven't been there for an hour and I have already clogged the toilet. This should have been a precursor to let me know that it was going to be a shitty situation. I finally hop in the shower. The water hits my body. SHIT!!! The burning sensation that has hit moobs. I now know what a lobster feels like. Finally out of the shower. I am a clean boy now. I am waiting for Cinderella to show up. She arrives with child in hand. Meeting someone's child that you are dating is a very daunting task. It always seems that it makes my nerves shot. I get that pit in my stomach. It was either my nerves or round 2 of Taco Hell. It goes really well. I think her daughter might like me. That is a huge step in the right direction. I can finally stretch out and sleep.

I wake up the next morning to see something just plain awesome. I arose to snow fall. You don't see that much in Northeast Arkansas. It was a beautiful sight. That really set the tone for the day. That night was going to be our first date as couple. Looking back on this, at the moment, living together before the first date was not a good idea. Let that be a lesson to all of you. Don't move in with someone unless you know them on the inside and out. RATT comes home from work. We are planning where we were going to go for dinner. I am happy as long as it is not Mcdonalds and she doesn't have a black bag with diapers in it. We finally decided on the place hyped up by the movie Talladega Nights. It time for some Applebee's love. You can never go wrong with a good Bourbon Street Steak or Chicken. It is very much a win-win. It was dinner with a very pretty girl. After dinner, we went to see the movie The Sitter starring a still fat Jonah Hill. I don't remember much of the movie. I was too busy looking at her and wanting to kiss her. I can't hide it. I cut the hole out of the bottom of the popcorn. I am wondering if anyone knows if the movie is actually any good. There is only one way we could end this night. A small drive to a porn store to laugh at all the dirty toys and think about something fun to get. It was one of the best first dates I have had. There was no pressure. It was a very awesome night. I have no complaints.

Wednesday comes around. My health is not the best. I know a few of you know that. The readers that are new here, let me tell you what is going on. I have a knot on my brain stem that causes pressure. The pressure gets so bad that it will cause me to black out. The headache is constant. Some days are better than others. During this time fame of being in New Mexico, I started to develop a new symptom with these spells. I knew I was having a spell. I went to lay down. She came in the room and lied down next to me. She asked me if I was ok. I knew I was having a terrible spell. She holds my hand. I black out. This black out was unlike any other that I have ever had. I had a seizure. I know it had to scare her terribly. It would have me scared too. It can't be easy seeing someone you care about having a seizure. I didn't mean to but, I hurt her. During my seizure I bruised her ribs. She told me I hurt her. I felt bad, and I still feel bad. Not only was in pain physically, now I am hurting emotionally.

The next day, I called my doctor and told him what was going on. He gave me some advice to possibly stop them. I should have already had a doctor lined up before I moved in to the middle of BFE. However, I didn't. The only doctor I could talk to was the one back home. I told her what he said. She told me that it will be ok and we will get through this together. During this time, her boss decided to tell her how much of an idiot she was. That she didn't think before inviting me. I will say the same thing even to this day. It takes two. She came in that evening and told me what happened at work. She then told me it would be best for me to go back. I was crushed. I just gave up everything to move out there. I have no idea how I am getting back at this moment. It really scared me. This was the first time in my life I had no clue what was going to happen to me at all.

I would like to call this part: Red flags that will destroy a relationship. I am not a jealous person at all. I hardly ever have that feeling. It just makes me mad and will eat me up on the inside. One thing my ex-fiance did right before it all ended, was text a guy all the time. Even on dates she would text him. It would drive me nuts. Whitesnake, the day after was on her phone constantly with a guy. I knew that after she asked me to go and with the texting, it was the beginning of the end for us in a relationship. Things weren't going to be the same between us. Now, she is telling a guy who she dated, supposedly before me, about all the problems we were having. Kinda funny. Nothing really started going south till I had the seizure.

The next red flag, privacy. I am not one to snoop through anyone's phone. I feel like there has to be some trust there. She kept reading my messages. Most of the time when my phone would go off, she would ask who it was. I get my sports updates from ESPN and I keep up with my peeps on the book of face. Well, when I told her that it was facebook, she kept asking me if these are girls I dated. I told her it was my friends. We were sitting in Hastings and she got my phone. I was getting coffee for the two of us. I came back to her reading my Facebook messages. I never delete messages. It just takes too much time out of the day that can be used on something more productive. Like trying to find a way home. She got upset about some of the messages I still has on there. It was kind of the same feeling, I thought, as how I felt about her texting. Funny thing though, my messages were like a week before I left telling my friends that I was moving.

Now, here is a red flag I did. I have no clue how to change a tire. Apparently, not having a father figure in my life makes me less of a man. There are plenty of things that I have never been taught. However, that doesn't make me less of a man. I am trying to do the best with what is given. However, I could have been out there trying my hardest to learn on the fly. I didn't even know how to get the tire out of the truck bed. God bless, a man came by and helped us at the gas station. If not, we would have been there for a while.

Finally, sitting and dwelling. During the span of a week, during the day, I sat by myself. I was wondering what I was going to do in the situation. I had to find a way home. The one bad part of all of this is the anger that built in me. The not knowing of where I was going to go weighed heavily on my mind. I can honestly say I was pissy.

Friday, a week later, came. All that pent up frustration came to head in my heart. After the spell, she had become very distant. She really wouldn't even kiss me or want to cuddle. She was always on her phone texting him or her sister. Telling them all about me. Well, that pent up frustration came busting out finally. If someone puts their arms out what does that symbolize? Answer: A Hug. She looked at me and asked, “What does that even mean? All you ever do is talk with your hands.” I thought it was simple gesture. I texted one of my friends asking them what that meant. He said 'a hug." I told him that she got upset. He said his usual saying, "Women are inherently evil." My response was, "no doubt." We had a good laugh. She asked me what was so funny. I flat out told her what was said and World War 3 was on. We started fighting. I am not going to put the stuff said on here. I said some things that were way out of hand. She was on the phone with the guy she was always texting. I started packing all my shit up. I put my phone on the charger and drank a Mexican Pepsi. The only thing I really kept from the whole trip. He was telling her to tell me where to go. Now, here is an observation from me. I didn't really care what he said. He pretty much had her heart anyway.

Bags packed, I decided to start walking. I am over 1,400 miles away from home. I have nowhere to go and no money in my pocket. It's the only thing I can do. I leave her apartment behind. I get about a block away. I start crying while on the phone with my birth mother. I knew I wasn't going to make it home alive. It was going to take 13 days to walk. Tears are running down my face as I make the turn in the movie theater parking lot. I call my friend. I tell him that he means a lot to me and hope that he knew that. I am getting texts from everybody asking me if I was seriously walking. I told them the truth. A few of my friends stood up for me. Some of the things that were said, at the time, I felt were uncalled for, but finding out some recent news.... Those comments were justified. Having your heart on someone else for 5 months, I shouldn't have ever been invited to begin with.

I am starting down my walk on the main drag. My head starts pounding. It is the same pain I felt before I had the seizure the week before. I am about two miles away from her apartment. Blood started to pour from my mouth like a river. I left my dna all the way up that highway. I had no clue if I was going to make the city limits before the worst happened.

Stay Tuned for Part 4


Jim Dick said...

Jesus Christ man!