Tuesday, March 06, 2012

There is No Place Like....

What does a group of people who reenact and love history, a pizza place with damgoode pies, a hotel room with one bed, a town with a haunted past and lots of beer have in common? I can tell you, but it will cost you. It will cost you some time to read this story.

Each time I start a road trip with my sister, I always get excited. I know you, the reader, are asking yourself, why? I am asking the same thing. Seriously, I always know there isn't going to be a dull moment when being on a trip with her. It's an experience. Our first true stop besides gas and her saying "I got to go tinkle" every 10 minutes.  I have a great idea. The ride along pee diaper. You slip it on so you can drive further and only stopping for gas or if you need to poo. She wanted to take to me a town I have never been to before. Eureka Springs, Arkansas. I lived in the region for a few months and am wondering why I never went. This is one magical town for someone who is a writer and an entertainer. I had a creative hard on when we went downtown. The style of the houses are unrealistically amazing. The town is colorful. You know that part in Pleasentville when the black white turns color? That is exactly how I felt. Our biggest stop was going to be the Crescent Hotel. The history of this place is freaking nuts. I don't use the word freaking in many pieces but, in this case, it is very true. The hotel is haunted. I am a paranormal junkie. I am all about seeing or hearing the stories associated with hauntings. The main reason we were going to the Crescent was to enjoy the restaurant. We walked in the hotel, and it was a throw back to early years of our country. It was like walking into a time machine. We start heading up the stairs. The stairs lean a little, which proves the building is over 100 years old. The sheer structure of the inside is breath taking. We get to the top floor after climbing 4 flights of stairs. My sister and I learned something very very interesting about ourselves. We both wished the elevator was working. I also realized that I am way too fat for stairs. Damn, I need to lose weight. However, if I do that, I lose part of what makes me sexy to women. My humor. Only fat guys can be funny. After, all that climbing we find out that the place is closed. She was pissed. She threw her shoe all the way down the hallway. OK. That really didn't happen but it makes the story a little bit more entertaining for myself. We headed back down the stairs and out to the car. The mission now is finding a place to eat. We are driving around looking. The stress of not finding a place open before 5 is pissing us both off. We are getting weak and someone is getting very cranky. This could not be remedied cause neither one of us had a Snickers. We head back to downtown and park.

The first place we find to eat was directly behind our parking spot. Not a lot of walking. The place was called The Pied Piper. This a Scottish and English pub. I am all about some pub food. You can't go wrong with this. We sit down at the table. Order our drinks. My sister got excited like a virgin on Prom Night when she saw they had Scottish Eggs on the menu. For those of you who don't know what this is, it's a hard boiled egg wrapped in sausage. The egg is then deep fried and they served it with Guinness mustard. I have to say it was one of the best things I have ever tried in my life. We complimented our appetizer with some Jalapeno hummus. The right amount of spice with the right amount of taste. I can't really comment on my sisters meal but I ordered the fish and chips. Some of the best fried fish I have ever had mixed with waffle fries. The perfect combination. If you're in Eureka you should check out the Pied Piper. You will not go wrong.

We got our chubby selves filled to the brim with food. We walked around a couple of shops. A couple of fudge places and a sex shop. Can we say awkward? Yes, it wouldn't have been as bad if the woman didn't keep persisting in telling us if we don’t have any kinky ideas, she has them aplenty. That is something you should never hear when in a place with your sister. We decide that we have done enough damage in Eureka. We now make the journey into Fayetteville. We get to the hotel. This time we can actually take the elevator. Granted, we only have one floor to go to, but we can take the elevator. We walk in the room but there was a problem. We only have one bed. Look, I am all about sharing a bed but snuggling with your sister is like trying to make out with your grandma. That isn't going to happen at all. We have to be back in the lobby at 7. She wanted to see where the group was going to go for food. They decide to head to the square in Fayetteville. The decision was simple. A big group of people can only mean one thing. Pizza!!! I got to hear my sister complain for a second. It is her thing. She doesn't like following the crowd.

The downtown pizza place was Tiny Tim's Pizza. I think we can say one thing here. BEER!!!! I love beer and they had house brews. I am very bummed that I didn't get to try. However, nothing bad was said about them by the people who tried them. We decided to get a pitcher of the beer on special. It was Boulevard. My home area beer. I miss KC sometimes. We ordered a pizza that was half Fungus Humungous. That was covered in Mushrooms, mushrooms and more mushrooms. There were also onions. The other half was fools gold. It was cheese pizza with a lot cheese. We had to have some meat added to this. My sister added some pepperonis. I am somewhat tipsy but I was pleasantly surprised. The pizza was good. The company was great. It was a great night had by all.

We get back in the car. I can honestly say I am three maybe four sheets to the wind. We head back to the hotel room. My sister asks how do we get there? In my drunken stupor, I just tell her to go that way. It was worth a really good shot, wasn't it. I am a great navigator when sober, but when drunk I am like a GPS with delayed reaction. My sister tries to be a sweet person and see if the hotel has a room with two beds. They tell her that they are over booked and that is all they had. However, if he wanted to, here is some extra blankets to make a pallet in the floor. Screw that nonsense. They gave me 8 blankets. There is only one thing that you can do with that many. I am going to build a damn fort. The next three nights I slept in my blanket fort. I also decided to call it The Blanket Fort of Ultimate Sexiness. It is now the traveling home of The Buzz Kill Blog. This story would not be complete without pictures now would it?

Friday, while my sister is learning to bake bread in a Dutch Oven, I was sitting back in the room. I was trying to figure out what I was going to do. I was thinking really hard about what to do. I could eat all the truffles that my sister bought the day before. The only down side about this plan is I didn't have the dog to blame it on. All of a sudden the idea hit me like a sack of chocolate cakes. I have the room to myself. I need to take full advantage of this time to myself. I invited all the women I know from the area to have giant orgy. There were 8 straight women, 3 bisexual women, 1 lesbian, a tranny and partridge in a pear tree. It started off like any other orgy would. Dildos were flying all over the place. There was a midget in the corner drinking Lucid, touching himself. It was the best 7 minutes. None of that happened, except the midget. I just drank a Pepsi and ate some cold pizza. I watched a little T.V. The highlight of Friday was going to Hooters with one of my friends. She and I were talking about what kind of dirty things we would do to our Latina waitress. She had a very nice ass. I am sad I have no pictures of that.

I am back in the room after getting lost about 30 times that Friday night. I knew I could find safety in my blanket fort. I woke up at the early time of 11 in the morning. Not feeling the best cause I was sleeping on the floor in my blanket fort. My friend called me asking me if I was ready for a fun day in Eureka Springs. I just woke up. The only thing I am ready for some caffeine or a blow job. More the first one. My sister is getting ready cause she slept late as well. It was kinda a day for sleeping in late. She leaves. I guess I am awake. She also knocked down my fort. I was pissed. I had no other choice than to get up and start the day. I go to the fridge to my surprise. Inside the fridge was a Mountain Dew. Hell Yeah, but when in the blue hell did I get this soda? My friend tells me she is on her way up. Wait, I am in basketball shorts and my invisible white t-shirt. If you haven't seen me with my shirt on it's funny. I have a gamers tan. I get ready to head out for my day of adventure in Eureka. This time I get to stick my head around some of the awesome shops. One problem, as we were leaving I broke my head band. My hair is really long. I became a whiny girl for at least 10 minutes. I knew the wind was going to be whipping my hair. How many of you got the Willow Smith song stuck in your head?

We are on the way to Eureka for the day. The first stop was the Dollar Store. Why? Headband. It has to be taken care of. My friend decides to parallel park her truck on main street. I am worried she is going to take out some one walking or the car in front of us. She does it and on that street that is worthy of winning a medal. We walk up to the Basin Hotel, we decide that this will be the perfect place to eat for the day. We grab a menu and my eyes kinda light up. I apparently was channeling my inner J.D from Scrubs. He was a fan of "appletinis, hold the tini." I saw the picture of a tini, but it was a choclatini. I don't have my man card at the moment. I see it as allowed. I ask my friend to order for me so I don't look weird. Yes, so the guy in the head band and carrying around the stuffed squirrel in his pocket doesn't look weird. She orders a margarita. Food wise,we both decide to order the same thing. The Black and Bleu burger. This was their angus patty, with bacon and bleu cheese. Hell to the yes. The waiter brings our drinks, to our amazement he handed me the margarita. Well, it was right for the moment. My drink was strong. It made the Kelly Clarkson song feel like a Foster the People song. Damn. Her drink was Stronger. We were both a little tipsy when our food got there. The burger had an amazing taste. It was specifically made for my taste buds. If you are in Eureka I recommend the burger and the Choclatini. 

We stumble down the sidewalk to make our way into shops in the downtown area. I knew at that second that this could be very interesting. The main stop for us was going to a place that served a lot of sauces and spices called the Silly Chille. I am tipsy and they are handing out samples. I am still trying to think if it was the liquor or did I really eat a sweet jalapeno. That kinda sobered me up pretty quickly. We made our way in and out of shops, but were delighted to hear the beautiful tones of street performers. This is absolutely the perfect town if you need the creative juices flowing. People doing the art not for the money, but for the love. It's something that main stream entertainment doesn't understand anymore.

We leave the creative paradise with a coffee in my hand, and in my friends hand was a coffee on the rocks. Is that not the dumbest thing you have ever heard? We head out of town going back to Fayetteville. There was one stop we have to make. My favorite mall in Northwest Arkansas. Pinnacle Hills in Rogers. Love that town and that mall. We are out walking around and we decide to play the "Would You", game. She would pick a girl and ask me if I would and I did the vice versa. I learned something about me that evening. I am a horny bastard. What else can I say? We spend an hour there talking, walking, and gawking. I did the Carlton dance to Kiss from A Rose. Head back to my room and the blanket fort. We are going to head out to one of my favorite places to eat in Fayetteville. We went to Noodles. I love the atmosphere. The wait staff is top notch. The salads are a little to be desired. The main entrees themselves were better than sex especially than with the people we were trying to decide. After that my friends night was over. We had an amazing time. However, mine was just getting interesting.

I am back in the hotel and ready to join my sister and her friends in the hospitality room of her conference. I was in speech in high school. We went to tournaments all over the state. I never thought I would ever find a group of people that made me feel as comfortable as my drama friends. I was wrong. This is one amazing group of people who come from all walks of life. Living history is something that should be checked out by all. They prove how fun and awesome it can be. The American History night of Glee started with Lumberjack song, which is kinda funny cause it's British. It just kept going and going. The Battle of New Orleans, the Drunken Scotsman song, the tunes went on all night. The other thing that went on all night was the terrible bottle of tequila that my sister purchased. I bet antifreeze tastes better. The idea of adding salt to the shots was not a bad idea. One problem, there was salt in the shaker but they were in packets. It seemed like the perfect way to finish the night and the trip. Great New friends and Great Times.
I passed out in the fort. I woke up got ready for the trip back. I was kinda sad to leave. I had one of the more fun weekends I have had in a long long time. It all ended with everyone getting together at Damgoode Pies in Fayetteville. I have seen their pizza reviewed, but haven't really seen their pasta reviewed. I was looking at the menu, and something called Voodoo Pasta. It was fettuccine with chicken and shrimp. The sauce was red, but one thing was different with it. It was made with Tabasco. The pasta was cooked perfectly. It had the Tabasco smell but not the taste. The perfect "go home" meal for a prefect weekend. I want to say a huge thank you to the Arkansas Living Historical Association for making me feel like I was part of the group. It meant a lot to me. You really should go out of your way and check out The Living History of your area. See what there is around you. We can learn a lot from our past.

The way home was just normal. My sister had to pee about 100 times and we couldn't find a bathroom. Stopping at a gas station with a bathroom that wasn't working, I got to hear the "I have to pee" song. We had to go another 15 miles before a potty, but all was good. This trip was so awesome even Nutsy got some. It was so good the people next door were smoking.