Monday, May 28, 2012

Hall of Hotties

Happy Memorial Day. We wanted to take this time to thank the men and women who have fought and are still fighting to protect our freedoms so we can have fun doing things like this here little website. Today, while a lot of you were grilling wieners on an open fire, Getting out to the lake to do a little recreational swimming, or Those who managed to score a threesome off Plenty of Fish. We were trying to think of the perfect way to say thank you to those men and women. We could make 1 billion cupcakes but that would take a really huge oven and that would take a lot of time. Simply put, we are lazy. Screw wasting time. We could fly a banner. However, the downside is that we only have enough cash on us to buy 7 letters. I didn't think I like pie, was going to work. The solution we ultimately came up with. Sexy celebrities. Yes, a staple of our culture. No matter what was going on a strapping lad or lady overseas could look at a picture of a celeb they want to get their knickers off. Gee Golly, wouldn't that just be swell. Ladies, your turn in coming up. Men, the next induction into the Hall Of Hotties will make you want to say you are from the country. Any guesses? Well, the next member of the Hall is:
Miranda Lambert
Miranda Lambert, my how you have changed the world of music for me. The 28 year old singer got her big break came from the shitty USA reality show Nashville Star. The knock off of American Idol but hosted by Mr. Miley Cyrus. Miranda finished third. She finished number one with my right hand. Her career really started to bloom when her first hit Kerosene. I know what would happen if we were to get it on, she would set my crotch on fire. If that was not the worst choice of wording of a sentence about sex, I am not sure what would be. Oh well, I am too lazy to erase it. Her next album Gunpowder and Lead, made her a household name. She was not firing blanks. I have a shot that won't hurt as bad as a bullet but will leave a very nice mess. White Liar hit and she was off and running. Headlining her own tour. Hit after hit keep happening for Miranda. Her latest hit Baggage Claim, which is seriously about my man bag if you know what I mean was number 1 with a bullet. The one problem I have with inducting her is the fact she is married which means my odds are less. Plus, Blake Shelton would kill me if he knew what a Hillbilly Bone I have for her. See what I did there. We would like to welcome Miranda Lambert into the Hall of Hotties. Miranda if you read this I know you are Married, but could you hook me up with a member of the Pistol Annies. I am Hell on Feels.