Wednesday, June 27, 2012

An Open Letter

Hello, again all you fucking people. Most of you know who I am, but for those people who decide to be a shut in living in the middle like a smelly hippie, let me introduce myself. My name is Stick Figure (I met a girl who was Premed. Her blow jobs were the best thing since sliced bread. It was a shame that I answered her ad off Craigslist. She was so loose I could insert my entire fist.) Dan. I decided to take in the Hunger Games this week. Don't Judge me. I had my reasons. I was wanting to see 5 really fat people running after a skinny guy with a cheeseburger while he yells run fat boy run. Needless to say I was a very disappointed Stick Figure. Did you people know that is one of those stories that tweens get their panties in a wad for? Why the fuck was it called the Hunger Games? There wasn't one fat person in it. Not a one. I was going to make a Richard joke but it was too easy. The other day while I was going through someones internet history. I am not naming names but he really looks at some weird shit. I found some Cher music videos. I don't know how to feel about this. Coming to a drag show or side show near you, the world's hairiest woman. You already have the boobs for it. I just think Whitney is going to be pissed you stole her gimmick. Here is a mental image for all you men and women out there, Think of a Bigfoot in a garter belt, thigh highs, bra and panties. Are you laughing? That is exactly what Richard would look like as a woman. Well, after drinking a lot to get Gypsy’s, Tramps and Thieves out of my existence of life. I came across this story. I have no clue if it is fake or not but I can not pass it up. 
Dear Guy Who Shoved Hickory Smoked Bacon Up His Anus, 
Bacon. The Candy of meats. Everything is better with Bacon on it. Just ask Richard. Pizza, just add bacon. Doughnuts, just add bacon. Burgers, just add bacon. Girls into bondage, just add bacon. Bacon is great. Getting fame on YouTube is great especially if you can sit under a blanket and scream to leave Britney alone. Combining the two should be a pure success for awesome. That is, unless you try to stick bacon up your anal cavity. I know porn stars that have shoved crazy things up their poop hole but I guarantee that it wouldn't be 10 pounds of bacon. I can only think of one really good reason for doing this you dumb fuck. I really don't want to know this but I guessing there are some kinky bastards out there that want to know if bacon grease is a good lubricant? I am guessing for you it wasn't. If you haven't heard some dude got a hard on for wanting to stick things in his hole for a laugh. After 10 ponds of bacon it tore his anal wall and killed him. I don't care if this is real or not. I know somewhere out there, is a guy looking in his fridge at some Hormel Bacon wondering if he could become instantly famous for shoving it up his butt on YouTube. This is why I am starting to think that natural selection is the greatest thing known to man. Talk about getting porked to death. 
Figure It Out 


Jim Dick said...

What the fuck...