Thursday, July 05, 2012

Figure It Out


It's your favorite perverted, foul mouthed writer. I am Stick Figure (Ladies, Has your sex life fallen into a rut? Anytime you want, you can play with my Tree and Nuts. I will give you an unforgettable experience. I will paint you white like a picket fence.) Dan. The fat bastard wanted me to write something else other than my Open Letters. I told him I would if he filled his mouth full of some Oreo Cakesters and sucked a dick. So here I am stuck writing a new Figure It Out. I didn't think he would do it. He has been on an all protein diet. So I figured he wouldn't eat the cakesters. Guess he was really hungry. If you guys have never read a Figure It Out Blog before. You must have lived in the woods of Montana or El Dorado Springs. A nice cheap shot is a good way to brighten anyone’s day. It is my views on what is wrong with certain things of life.

Why in the blue hell does windows have to fucking update and restart your computer when you are doing something productive? Fucking bullshit. I was sitting at Fatmandu's computer while he was away yesterday. My guess is that he was failing miserably with the girl he is crushing on. I bet she is as real as the fucking Muppets. Sorry, it's kinda sad reading the retro video blogs and him professing his undying love for his right hand. I was on his computer looking at Asian Ladyboys eating custard out of a girls Va Jay Jay. It was a work of art. So graceful, So beautiful. The Video was also Richards. The damn computer has to restart mid video. I was PISSED. I was throwing things. I threw a temper tantrum that the World of Warcraft kid could only dream of. I was left hanging. What if I was the President? I was working on a document of national importance. Then, boom. Windows has updated your computer has to restart. I now like to refer to the windows shutting down screen as the, You are the Shit Out Of Luck screen. Bill Gates fix this. I know you have more money than you know what to do with. Figure out the perfect time to do the updates. My guess is 4:20 AM. No one is actually on their computer then. If they are they have gutted it and are using it for a bong.

I have noticed something. Everyone on Topix is a fucking slut. Isn't it awesome to have a website that you can go on there and say what you want while hiding behind a computer in your mom's basement. It's like a chat room in the 90s. Then we were pretending to be lesbians so we could have cyber sex. Now we pretend that we have a loud mouth and can say what we want. Yay for pussies. I want a topic on topix. Stick Figure Dan. Randomly pick a fucking town. Put this up and see how many people call me a man whore. It's a sad sad sad day. You know why people go on Topix? Just to feel better about themselves. It's like going to a trailer park and yelling Wal Mart is on Fire. There will be a train wreck of epicness. Bill Gates fix this. You have a lot of money that you don't know what to do with. Buy Topix and turn it into an Asian Ladyboys eating Custard fetish site. I know you will already have a member.

I hate to cut this Figure it Out short. I have so much I want to say but I just found the custard video and need to finish my business. Until next Time


Figure It Out


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