Friday, August 24, 2012

It Came From Craigslist

I love surfing the net. Around each corner is something new and exciting. However, one of those corners is very sleazy and sometimes downright creepy. The underbelly of the world wide web. Craigslist. This is the internet's version of the black market and red light district rolled into one. For every good transaction or meeting between people, there is a flip side. Welcome to the debut of It Came From Craigslist. This is where we find the obscure items being sold or online personal ads that make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Our first ad comes from the Men Seeking Men section. You tell me if something doesn't seem off about this to you.

the last of our winter help
is leaving for a more permanent situation soon
and looking for someone to fill their shoes.
open to temporary or long term.

Hopefully those shoes aren't a ladies size 7 cause if they are you are screwed.

small campground and trailer park on Location Censored:
not enough cash flow to pay for help,
but can offer room & board and some limited expenses.
(sorry, but the space we have to offer
is barely big enough for 1 person
and would not be suitable for 2 or more.)

What if that one person is fat? I guess no living in the trailer park.

responsibilities would include
grass mowing / weed eating,
misc repairs and clean-up,
building a deck around the pool
sharing in household chores
sucking dick
cutting firewood and feeding the furnace.
no one will ever be overworked for what they get in return.
carpentry or mechanical experience helpful

One of these things is not like the other. Is it possible to find a homosexual Amish man?

NO BOOZE
- or hard drugs
no night owls-
- please be used to being up at a reasonable time (+/- 8:00am)
no slackers-
- we don't need any lawn chair warmers
- ideal help should be self-motivated and responsible

Seriously, they have to be looking for an Amish man who like churning man butter.

please be open minded and accepting of alternative lifestyles
of those that make up our frequently extended family.
I don't know if I want to be part of a family who likes sucking each others dicks.

a couple of points:

on a very rare occasion
we have had to evict someone from the trailer park.
(no one has ever been kicked out because they could not afford to pay their rent)
if you are the type of person that is going to have issues when this has to be done
then i would not suggest you consider this job.

The Trailer Park has spoken. We need you to turn in your cooler.

also,
one of the main benefits to living and working here
is your participation with us in off-property outings
like festivals and regional burning man events.
if this is not the sort of recreation that interests you,
or if you're not on the more liberal/progressive side of our culture
then this is not likely to be the right place for you.
if you're wanting to be where you will be accepted and appreciated,
this might work out well.

I thought they said no hard drugs or liquor? Three day acid trips with a bunch of naked people are ok. Just need you up at 8 so you can raise a barn.

finally,
please remember that not only are we wanting someone
who has a relevant experience or background,
but we are also choosing someone
who will be living in the same house as we do.
as such, it is a priority consideration
that one fit in socially with the rest of our community.
(what has to be done around here is fairly simple
and we can teach you what you need to know.)
so it is important that we know about your personal interests
as well as your work experience.
if we don't see you assimilating with the rest of us,
you are not likely going to be who we choose.

So If you like knitting and watching late talk shows, you sir are up the creek with out a paddle.

if interested,
please respond with some information about yourself,
personal interest as well as work experience,
include your phone number - not into endless emails or waiting for responses
a picture or link to your facebook page would be nice too.
put "this is for me" as the subject of your message
so i'll know you're not a bot or i will not respond >>> no exceptions !!!

We think poking you will let us know if you are right for the job of building things and sucking things.

The last time I checked slavery was abolished.

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