Thursday, August 16, 2012

My Heterosexuality Cock Blocked Me

I know when you read that title, you scratched your head and thought what in the fuck is he talking about. Let me explain what that title means. The type of guy that women are going after now just kind of befuddles me. You have to be either the beer drinking, Pick Up Truck, I am going to smack a woman around redneck to get a girl. I think we all know I am far from that one. The most country thing I do is listen to Dierks Bentley. If I am going to try to score an older woman, that is what they want and that isn't me. The other option and why I am writing this. You have to be the long flippy hair, chick pants wearing, emo boy to get a girl. I am not a gay enough to have a girlfriend. That is the true definition of Oxymoron.  A girl I was talking to list of guys, Here is me. I am what you call your average goofy looking guy. My competition. I thought for a second that she was a lesbian. I am all for that if I can watch. The people I thought were women were actually guys. I feel like an idiot. What if, I called one of them mam. I am guessing honestly they don't really care since their pants are so tight it's cutting off circulation to the rest of the body. I guess wearing a dress isn't girlie man enough for the women younger. Where does that leave me? I guess I could try to do the scene look but I am really fat and that would be too much effort. I think I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am not manly enough or gay enough to have a woman. This is the sort of thing that goes through my mind. I need help don't I? 

I just had an epiphany right before clicking the Publish. I know what my problem is. What do these two groups have in common? Their pants cut off circulation to their nuts. No Blood Flow waist down = Scoring women. To the White board. I am going to figure this out and when I do, you will be the first to know.

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