Sunday, September 23, 2012

The UnWritten Rules To Dating 7

One of the most difficult things in this world is meeting someone to spend the rest of your life with. We here at The Buzz Kill Blog have taken the time to write out rules that each and every one of you can use in your dating life. This is the 7th installment of this series. We are going to try and save you from committing the same mistakes that my friends and I have made. If you take these rules to heart, you will have one of the best relationships of your life. There will be a test at the end of the year, and If you fail you will have to take this class over. The second time around I will not be as nice of a teacher. I will be smacking your hand with rulers and if you are somewhat kinky, nice spanking on the bum. That wouldn't be for punishment that would be for pleasure.

Rule #4662: Dating is a difficult enough without counting in all the extra stress that goes along with it. One of those stressful things is meeting the person you are with, parents. Nothing will make the nerves churn more than going to dinner with the parents. If his/her parents do not like you however it will make it more difficult to be able to actually have a relationship. This is the kiss of death for a relationship. We know that if the parents don't like you, they will make your life a living hell and on the other side of the coin, the person you are with will stay with you as long as possible just to piss them off. The rule here, Parental Control is a lot more important than you actually think.

Rule #835: Speaking of parent's, if you are seeing someone and you go to their house to see them. This is more for the high school crowd. If the person you are with parents are not home, and you go over there for a quickie. Make sure their parents aren't going to be home 10 minutes after you leave. Say you have a woman and her parents leave. She invites you over to her house for some time of sweet passionate love making. She tells you they are going to be gone for a long long time. Instead of normal sex, you convince her into trying anal sex for the first time. You get her all lubed up and you get ready for some love making in the butt. You are going to town on her... All of a sudden, the door burst wide open. Her Dad walks into her room and is yelling get the fuck out of my house. She starts crying. Your pants are down around your feet. He is going to get his gun, you take off running with your ding a ling waving around everywhere. The rule here... If you are going to have sex with someone who only has a certain amount of time, a car is a glorious thing.

Rule #398: If you are a single mother with more than one child dating is hard enough. You have to find the weirdest places to meet men. Going to the grocery store could become a trip to meet men. A trip to Wal Mart could be the one where you find the one. A rice festival in Wiener Ar, could be the day that lands the man of your dreams. However, if the person you meet drives a van and keeps a nerf football and frisbee in it so he can play with random kids, chance is a date will not be able to take place in a Chuckie Cheese. The rule here, take the time to get to know someone and google their ass to see if they are on any sex offender list.

Rule #2345: If you are dating someone and the two of you are going to take the step into the next level as a couple, let me give you some advice If you have to ask THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH on a date or they are going to go out with someone else. IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK. Does this sound backwards to anyone else out there. This is not a relationship it is a damn joke. The rule is if you are going to be with someone, make sure they actually want to be with you.

Rule #89: If you are wanting to see someone and you make plans. You invite them over for dinner. You clean up your house, you get all dressed up. You wait and you wait. And you keep waiting. You finally get a text message from the person you are waiting for, just to tell you they are blowing you off cause they have a headache. Once is ok. Anything more than once means they don't want to be anywhere around you. It is time to get on the bus and move on someone who wants to do you in the poop shoot when their parents are not home.

Make sure you follow these rules and your dating life will shoot to the moon. Just remember #analsexequalstruelove