Thursday, October 11, 2012

An Open Letter

It feels good to be back. If you do not know who I am seriously you need to start reading more. It's not that difficult unless you went to a high school where the water reeked of sulfur. Let me introduce myself. My name is Stick Figure (There she was just a walking down the street. I gave her 20 bucks to suck my man meat. I am telling you this isn't a joke. She went down faster than Lindsay Lohan on a line of coke.) Dan. So tonight is the Vice Presidential debate. In case on of the other two people should happen to have a stroke, let's have a debate between the two people that could run America. It's like choosing between the creepy old guy and a rejected Gap model. Either I way I look at it's a lose, lose situation. Instead I thought I would grace you with my presence. I am guessing Richard took the day off to celebrate National Coming Out Day. I am guessing that guy packs more sausage than Jimmy Dean. I am happy he isn't around today mean I get to have a little fun. I have been pissed off about something that keeps happening and happening. I think there is only one way to stop this problem. A stern letter from a certain Stick Figure.

Dear People Who Start A Celebrity Has Died Rumors,

I understand being 45 and living in your parents basement waiting for your imaginary friends to come over and play Dungeon and Dragons. I understand your need to feel like you are wanted by someone. It must be hard a life poking people on Facebook and eating Totino's pizza rolls till your gut becomes seen below the bottom of your What Would Alan Thicke Do Shirt. What gives you the fucking right to go tell your 11 thousand Twitter followers that Johnny Depp was in a car crash or Bill Cosby has an allergic reaction to one of his sweaters? Seriously, if this all you can do with your free time, it might be time to reevaluate life decisions that you have made. Why not make up rumors about celebrities that no one gives a shit about. Carrot Top comes to my mind first. Would anyone really care if there was a rumor about him dying cause one of his stupid props blew up? Let me save you a little thinking and just answer for you. The answer is Hell No. It's time to start posting what everyone posts on Twitter and Facebook, Instagram pictures of their fucking Taco Bell Doritos Tacos. Yes no one will give shit but at least you are actually getting out of the damn house. Unless, all these rumors are started by lonely women. If thinking telling the world that someone is dead just so your chances of sleeping with them just to get your chances up, you mam are a genius. I have 7 numbers that need to be given to you.

Figure it Out