Tuesday, October 30, 2012

The 7s

It's that time of year again. Kids get dressed up in something weird and take candy from strangers. How does that make you feel about Halloween now? Tomorrow is Halloween and we got to thinking here at The Buzz Kill. What is the best part of this awesome day? I think we are all in agreement. The fact your everyday average woman, will dress like a stripper. This has to be the second best day of the year next to Christmas. In this edition of The 7s, we are going to be taking a look at the 7 Sluttiest Halloween Costumes that in the real world just aren't that slutty. I want everyone to know that cheerleader will not be on this list because those outfits are already slutty in the real world. Plus the only way this list will be awesome is with photos.

#7. I don't think any of us would mind if a woman in a french maid uniform came over to clean your house? Yeah, I didn't think so. However, when was the last time you seen a maid wear that outfit. The movie Clue? Now, maids wear stuff that is made of khaki or something you would see someone wear in the great store of Wal Mart. 

#6. A tight blouse, A plaid Skirt, Knee High stockings, and some Mary Janes. I am not talking about what I secretly like to wear on the weekends, I am talking about the classic schoolgirl look. Since Hit Me Baby One More Time came out in the late 90s, a lot of guys have fantasized about being with a naughty little Catholic girl. The costume is sexy on an adult but in everyday life it's worn by kids. I bet that fetish is now just a tad bit creepier am I right? I just wish they had a school for adults who could wear this and it wouldn't be so bad. 

#5. You have been out to sea for years. The only food you have is the food you have stolen from other ships. Something tells me that you would not be wearing a midriff and showing off some legs. If a pirate ever caught me, and they dressed like that. Honestly my timbers would be shivering and someone can put it in my booty. Sailing the seas doesn't look like this. I have a feeling you would be looking like Tom Hanks in Castaway just more leg hair.

#4. I want to say thank you to our brave men and women firefighters for putting themselves in the line of danger every day by going into a burning building risking their lives. How are they reward for their actions? A Halloween costume where a woman just wears the top and hot pants. I swear if I was at a fire and they were wearing that, they would have two fires to put out. Wait, I have a second cheesy joke. They would have a second hose to use. 

#3. Bad Boys, Bad Boys, What are you gonna do? I again want to think the brave men and women of the police forces that risk their lives every day to protect us. What are they rewarded with? A woman in a cop uniform that looks like something out of a strip club in Memphis. I see police officers chasing someone all the time on the show COPS but if they were wearing outfits like this, I bet there would be more ratings. Instead we get fat oily guys running. Life is a bitch.

#2. The yellow flag is thrown and the game is stopped for a stupid call by a guy that looks like he escaped from Madagascar. I get that referees are not the most glamorous profession in the world but when in the hell did they start dressing like that and where was I? Look, I would be hoping for more penalties. I think I could watch them bend over all the time to pick the little yellow flag up. I would be watching football at all levels. 

#1. Notice what is off this list so far? I bet you are thinking in your head, where is the nurse. Well she comes in at number 1. Why do you ask? The sexy nurse, white skimpy outfit, complete with garter belt and heels so high that Snoop Dogg is jealous. When was the last time you actually seen a nurse wear this? Today, I get to see a woman in her late 50s, hair pulled back wearing some hideous scrubs outfit with ducks on them. That doesn't get me going. If it does you, you are either with a nurse or have a sexual obsession with ducks and you should seek help for that. Now I want a lollipop.