Sunday, November 18, 2012

Snackageddon 2012

This past Friday, I was given some news that has completely changed my entire weekend. I have been so down and depressed that last night I tried to drink my blues away. My heart is broken and I have no idea if there is a enough duct tape in the world to repair me. I have lost something very close that shaped my entire childhood. I will no longer be able to hold you. I will no longer get to look at you with my loving eyes. I will never get to experience you inside me again. The tears are flowing down my face just thinking about you Ding Dongs.

It was announced Friday that the Hostess corporation was going belly up. Which is a complete 180 for the people who actually enjoy their snacks. We have to think about all the products that Hostess makes that will no longer be with us.

The Ding Dong 1923-2012. No more getting high and eating a sweet hockey puck looking treat.

The Twinkie. 1930-2012. This cream filled spongy pastry will no longer be with us. No more Twinkie wiener sandwiches. No more fantasy of getting to watch a girl try to suck the cream filling out of one of these things.Tallahassee from Zombieland is going to go postal on someone. Knowing my luck it will be me.

Sno Balls: Who really cares when they invented? We hate god damn sno balls

Fruit Pies: 1930-2012. Bobby Hill is going to commit suicide cause of this. I am going to miss the Apple ones the most.

Ho-Hos: 1920-2012. Swiss Rolls are better anyway.

Wonder Bread: 1921-2012. The best bread but 2.50 a loaf. Does anyone actually spend that much on bread. Who wants to guess that the people who still buy Wonder Bread owns an iPad Mini?

The world isn't over, someone will buy all the rights to these products and just make them under a different name. Little Debbie is such a bitch.  It's how it works.  Now, if we can only find a way to mail snacks to me like Netflix to movies.

Maybe the Mayans were on to something!!! Oh, who am I kidding? We still have Mountain Dew, Doritos, and M&M's. See you in 2013.