Wednesday, December 19, 2012

A Stocking Filled With Random

It's that time of year boys and girls. It is time for a something random and that will fit in a giant red sock that will hang over your fireplace until Christmas day. That is right. It is the return of the most random piece on The Buzz Kill, with a little Christmas flare. It's A Stocking Full of Random. This is where I take thoughts that aren't long enough for their own piece but combine them to make one crazy ride.

If Jack Frost is going to start nipping at my nose, he better buy me dinner first.

What kind of games do Reindeer even play? I want a painting of all the reindeer playing poker, or possibly Monopoly. They are probably decent bluffers and know how to rig a deck.

In the classic Christmas movie It's A Wonderful Life, it is said that every time that a bell rings an angel get its wings. Makes me wonder that if other things that people do make angels get it's wings. A man eating a cheeseburger, an angel gets his wings. A woman doing Zumba, An Angel gets his wings.  A person coming during sex: Boom, Angel Get his wings and fucking lucky.

In a movie A Christmas Story, how pissed would you have been if your best friend said he learned a cuss word from you. If I was Schwartz, I would have beat Ralphie's fat ass up one side and down the other.

Another Christmas Story reference, How many people tried that shitty chocolate powdery substance known as Fucking Ovaltine. Seriously, who drinks that shit. It's like drinking milk flavored Kaopectate.

I want to hear a group of carolers do Jingle Bells, just a one certain version. The Barking Dogs one. How freaking awesome would it be to hear a group of people to bark in harmony.

I want to kick Bing Crosby in the nuts. He has the most monotone voice known to man.

I wonder if Santa is a borderline diabetic with all the cookies he eats in one night?

I wonder of the Grinch's penis was also the size of his heart, two sizes to small?

In the song Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer, has anyone else thought it was a hit and run? That is just mean of Santa.

I think the song I Caught Mommy Kissing Santa Claus should be more modernized to fit all kinds. I Caught Daddy Kissing Santa. I Caught The Priest Sodomizing Santa. I Caught Bubba Raping Santa. I Caught The Westboro Baptist Church Protesting Santa.

I want to see a little more of Victoria Secrets around Christmas.

He knows when you are sleeping and he knows when you are awake. That makes me feel really uncomfortable. Santa must have billions and billions of hours of little children naked on video tape. Parents, would let your child sit on any old man's lap. No. Then why do you let them sit on Santa's? This Christmas, I am leaving Santa something better than cookies. I am leaving him an NBC Camera and Chris Hansen from To Catch A Predator.

Be sure you check all the other pieces that have gone up so far during The 13 Days of Christmas!!!!