Thursday, January 31, 2013


There you are in your favorite seat with a tall glass of your favorite soda and your brain says, “Dude, time to kick ass” And you think, why yes, yes it is. Turn on your system and get ready to bust heads on  Call of Duty. Game starts, you’ve picked your class. The music gets all pumped up. You’re a regular freakin’ badass.  Alright bitches it’s time to kick ass......... Oh shit……. I died.  I swear instead of the start-up screen with intense music and bright colors it should just read: “Welcome to Call of Duty, Where You Shoot First and Die First” I don’t know how many times I’ve shot a dude in the freakin’ face but I’m the one that dies. What the hell is this!  I tell you what it is… it’s the exact point where talking smack into your headset turns into an art form.  Ever been in a match with your friends where all you say for ten minutes is a slew of “Suck it bitch” , “You mad bro” and  “Ah, shit” is literally all you hear? Yeah, that’s totally me. What about that moment where some random person joins your match. You’re kicking serious ass and there he is, just randomly there. He has a headset, but yet won’t say a damn word. Why in the ever living gaming fuck do you even have a damn headset if you aren’t going to use it? Stop it, just freakin’ stop it! Anyway back to the story, random dude comes in and just starts kicking ass, won’t say a word. You’re fired up.  Who the hell is this cat anyway?  The match ends he’s first place, you’re second. You cuss up a storm  and then it happens… you here  “Funny thing is I’m nine” and the dad’s in the background just cracking up. And then says “ Yeah, I’m teaching him how to kick ass.” Your gamer ego is fucking shot. You don’t know whether to applaud the kid or punch the damn television… Yeah not punching the television…. Forget that…. I mean first of all why the hell is a nine year old playing Call of Duty in the first place. That kid should be out learning shit or playing outside. Hell when I was nine I was barely allowed to watch the freaking television much less play video games!  .  Call of Duty is a great franchise no doubt one of the most popular and it yields several popular but annoying tricks to playing. Ever heard the phrase camper? Yeah, kids that do that can suck on my left toe.  Bullshit. If you’re going to play, play. Don’t be the damn puss bag in a window sniping bitches. It’s not fucking cute bro and I assume it gets rather boring.  Then there are those guys that lay on the damn ground acting like a dead body and then shoot you in the damn feet. I’ll be honest I don’t know whether to be mad or hug you. I’ll be the first to admit that’s genius. Who the hell am I kidding, I’m mad because I didn’t think to do it.  But damn it man, it’s so annoying. There you are, just running around killing some bitches and  this kid shoots your damn feet right off. You irritating little genius you, I’m off to try my hand at this wizardry.   Call of Duty, I love you but you really piss me off.


The Gamer Chick

Kickin’ ass since 1988


Gary Jackson said...

My brother is the guy that randomly enters the room and talks shit, gets screwed by random lag switcher, kick everyone's ass double, talks more shit, then informs the biggest douche in the room that he rather enjoyed their mom last night then leaves.