Monday, January 28, 2013

Dear Bachelors

Dear Bachelors,
Clean your fucking apartments. Groom your beards. Get the chest and back hair (shudders) OFF of your bed sheets.  You’re SO not getting any on those!!  For cryin out effin loud; do those nasty 3 week old dishes! Oh and buy some damn febreze so you can get that dirty sock smell out of the WHOLE HOUSE.  Single women of the world (especially this one) have HAD it with men who take no pride in their life. Every bachelor I’ve met in the last few months has the absolute worst kiss stopping breath. Brush your damn teeth more than once a week please. At least when you know you’re going to meet a girl. Women know what I mean; they go to kiss you and you have to turn your head to keep from puking on them. Ew!! 

If you have a good job, spend some money on your home! Stop buying top of the line vehicles and electronics while living in a complete shit hole! That’s not cute! That tells us that you have no desire to actually ever be in a relationship, because you spend your time on stupid shit and could care less about anything that’s going to be a long term situation.

The situation that made me laugh the most was the guy who begged for pity head. He’d just gotten out of a relationship and was horny. Guys, FUCKING CUT IT OUT.  Stop lying about how tall you are.   If you’re lookin my short ass in the eyes, you’re not 6’4”.  You’re lyin by a good 8 to 10 inches. Speaking of 8 inches; NO, YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY  NOT!!  Get that tiny little thing out of my face before you burst your bubble. You’re hung like a field mouse.  We’re not impressed.

And last but certainly not least; stop being such a cheapskate!!  McDonalds ain’t impressin nobody. You want to get some from me or any girl for that matter? I know the economy sucks, but you only go you to support. Take a girl to some Olive Garden or Chilli’s, or even a nice buffet.   The next time one of you cheap mother fuckers pulls into a fast food chain on a first date I’mma flip. For real. Yep I get real ghetto when you get stupid.
Thanks for nothing assholes,
Love,
Sunshine Sparklekitten

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thats OK. Men are tired of "womens rights"- if we want a relationship we go overseas and get an "import"- American women have been "off shored" just like jobs. Second, we have zero reason to be in a relationship. Why should we? You withold sex we replace you. We don't "hang" with women we hang with our friends. You've made it impossible to be in the work place without sexual harassment threats- and you get promoted over us. Why would we want to use you other than as a sex object and replace you?

Anonymous said...

Get back in the kitchen where you belong.

~*Jayme In the Sky With Diamonds*~ said...

HAHA I love how the stupid comments always come from ANONs. You just made yourself sound like a pampas asshole. I'm not sure what world you live in, but you might come back down to earth a little. Men still make about 1/4 more than women even if the job is below us in rank. Thats not the point of this post. By the way, its not "with holding" sex if its the first damn date. Nobody has to sleep with you if they don't want to. You sound like a future rapist.

We'll get back in the kitchen where our grandmothers hung out, when ya'll start actin like the gentlemen that our grandfathers were.

Richard Pruitt said...

The comments crack me up as well, this writing came from a very talented female writer on our staff and we are proud to have posted. This is not saying that women don't do this to men either. I think if we all act more like adults our relationships would be more healthy and longer lasting than what they are now.

~*Jayme In the Sky With Diamonds*~ said...

they probably just have the mouse peters she speaks of...

100 dollar trade for what? said...

Himmm- lets see. Jayme Diamonds wants to know why its "Annon". Because 1)it makes no sense to sign up for a blog I'll soon forget about and then be contacted in 5 years when I won't remember it. Limited by google account

~*Jayme In the Sky With Diamonds*~ said...

I didn't care why you were Anon personally. I just think you're an idiot.