Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Movie Review Theater 3000

My eyes were just beginning to become adjusted to the sparse lighting here in the Buzz Kill basement, when the sudden glow from the TV screen alerts me that a movie is about to begin.  I sigh petulantly to myself… I just managed to whip up some nice turtle soup, compliments of the rat of course.  I wander over to the screen. “Life Happens.”  Well of course, life happens.  Why else would I be hunkering over turtle soup entrapped in the Buzz Kill basement?
Run away men!! This one is estrogen filled! What do you get when you combine two attractive female college friends whose motto is to live and die to the adage “bone and bolt your way to success” and then add a baby?  You get “Life Happens” starring Krysten Ritter, Kate Bosworth, Geoff Stults, and Justin Kirk. Kim (Ritter) is a somewhat bewildered college graduate who doesn’t seem to have any sense of direction of what she plans to do with her life, while her roommate and college friend, Deena (Bosworth) is the A-type go-getter and on the precipice of literary success.  Each enjoys their carefree promiscuous sex lives, until Deena snags the last condom during one of their nightly romps.  Deena walks away STD and pregnancy free, while Kim is left to play the Russian Roulette of pregnancy or STD and winds up pregnant.  Despite the sorrows of motherhood, the two friends are determined to not let the baby effect their lives.  However, reality sets in and the two lives are thrown asunder when Kim lies to Nicholas (Stults), a man she has known for five minutes that Deena is actually the mother and not herself.  Hearts are broken, valuable life lessons are learned, and the audience is able to walk away with a happy ending while shaking their heads at the follies of youth.
While I appreciate the happy ending, it’s over the top and unrealistic. For life to truly happen sometimes you have to reap what you have sowed.  I assume the writer meant for the film to be uplifting and to encourage single mothers that life is possible after children.  However, when a single mother quits her job, doesn’t seem to seek further employment, buys/rents a house, and has no money of her own to speak of… life will not come up smelling like roses in the end.  That is not life that is fantasy.  A more appropriate title would have been “Fantasy Happens” in which case they could have added those promiscuous sex scenes and stocked the movie in an entirely different movie section.
“Dear God! Give those girls something to eat!” I say as I spoon through the gelatinous muck that use to be warm turtle soup.  Well, I wasn’t really hungry anyhow.  I wonder if that girl climbing on the ceiling would like some.  It looks enough like pea soup.