Thursday, January 31, 2013

The UnWritten Rules to Dating 8

A couple of days ago a piece was posted on this site called Dear Bachelors. A piece that was about the guys who lie and while it stirred up emotions in many people, positive and negative. It got me to thinking about something. We here at The Buzz Kill have taken the time to write rules to help you out in your dating life, whether you are making the first move or settling down for something special, these rules will help. This is the 8th installment of The UnWritten Rules of Dating. If you agree to follow these rules you will have a relationship that will last longer than a marriage to Jennifer Lopez.

Rule #3684: If you are meeting someone online you have an option to Phone A Friend. Your best friend when meeting someone off the internet should be "Google." I know that you have heard that before and eventually for some of you it will get pounded in your head. You meet someone who seems nice, has everything you want in someone. Instead of searching for that person, you make a date and a month later you are living in a house with that person. They have had restraining order after restraining order filed against them, they are on parole because they are a common criminal and the big kick in the dick or vagina that you need is the fact they make Casey Anthony look like parent of the year. If you are going to be with someone find out early if who they are claiming to be. Better get out earlier than to be stuck with it for a long period of time.

Rule #888: One way and for some the only way to communicate is by Text message. It is easy to send someone a nice little message to make them smile each and every day. Text messages now are the equivalent to writing notes back in the days of elementary, just more adult language and naked photos. However, when  you are on a date with someone and they keep pulling out their phone to text on the whole time, it's time to hit delete number in your phone. Say you are on a date with someone and they come to pick you up. Sounds very nice. The two of you go out for a nice relaxing drive when all of a sudden, instead of looking at the road and having their hands at 10-2, they are looking at their cell phone with their hands at S and K. BAM! Right into a ditch with oncoming water, the car floods and you are stuck on the side of the road with your thumb out. No one will pick you up until, a truck driver comes by but he wants a blowjob for a ride back to town. The lesson here is if they are too busy with their phone, they are too busy for you.

Rule #266: Have you ever been on a date with someone and all of a sudden you get this odor infiltrate the lining of your nostrils. It smells like urine and soured milk? That is a big sign that they do not take care of their hygiene.  Men and Women this is for both of you, if not taking a shower is not on your list of things to do daily it might be time reevaluate your time management. Nobody wants to be with someone sexually if they smell like the inside of a nursing home. Take care of yourself and it will help your confidence with the opposite sex or the same sex if you are gay.

Rule #300: A first date is where you are taking the time to know someone. This is going to decide if you want a second date or not. One thing not to do on a first date is go to a movie. Look, everyone likes going to a movie but why would you go to something where you cannot have any interaction for two hours except when you look over at them and they look back, more or less presenting that awkward smile moment. Be creative, find something that actually requires you to talk to that person. It will make you realize quicker if you want a second date or not.

Rule #300 A: Speaking of Movies, The yawning while putting your arm around her, the hole in the popcorn tub, and having sexual intercourse while others are trying to watch a movie they just paid 10 dollars for is not worth it. Do not do these ever. You have a bedroom, why pay 20 bucks to do something cheesy and not make a good first impression.

That wraps up this edition of The UnWritten Rules To Dating. If you have a dating question make sure you send them to Whitney at She will be answering your questions tomorrow in an all new The Dating Diva