Wednesday, February 06, 2013

It Came From Craigslist

I have to admit, it is really fun searching the internet for some insane deals. What did we do for bargains before the days of Amazon, ebay and How did we look for love before the days of E-Harmony and match? Well, there is a website out there that showcases both of them in one really awesome URL. That website is Craigslist. The only website that you can buy something and trade it for a golden shower in the casual encounters section. I have searched Craigslist for the weird, the obscure and the just plain creepy. These are my findings.

I am a gorgeous SWM and a highly educated person with a problem. I have been looking for what seems like an eternity for a special SWF (HWP) who might appreciate and partake in my special fetish. I would like us to stand together in a bathtub filled with grape juice and poor bottle after bottle of this elixir of life over one another, for hours. Until we practically turn purple. I want us to become one- through the juice- as it were. Harder to find than you might think.

And a big “no” on substituting apple juice, TANG, Kool Aid, or even freshly squeezed orange juice. I will provide the bathtub and the juice. You provide the enthusiasm, beauty, joy, and the appropriate attitude.

Together we can make this special bonding and engagement take place. And who knows where it could lead… 

I have some pretty kinky fetishes myself but I don't think taking a bath in grape juice is one of them. Sitting in a hot tub with a bowl of chili might be one of mine but damn. How do you discover this as a fetish. Are you sitting in church one Sunday morning waiting for communion to start. Your hand gets a little shaky spilling grape juice on yourself, causing your puberty years to start.

What I'm looking for:
A beautiful young super model. Prefer wealthy to rich. Must be highly educated, prefer a phd but a masters will due with the right person. Must be obedient and willing to be spanked. A willingness to make sacrifices for me. Become an extension of myself. Super good looking. Be an artist. Model the latest lingerie for me between 9-10 pm nightly. Share your many model friends with me sexually. Brunettes only! NO Redheads, leave me alone! Must have a great sense of humor. Must like primitive wilderness camping and monster mud trucks. Must do drugs and drink ALOT! Prefer my women to buy only can beer buy the 30 pack. Must have great weed connections. I don't want to deal with parents or sisters. No granny panty owners need apply. (Please don't waste my time) Please be between 22-26 only.

About me:
Unemployed. Short and bald. Chubby and pale with small features. (Hands feet ears) Dominating, picky and judgmental. Sometimes a little awkward around women. I am a sexually intense person that likes to receive pleasure for hours on end. I currently live downstairs with an older dominating woman so I would like to move in right away and share a bank account. You will have to drive or co-sign for me a new 580 horsepower Camaro.

Please put "SEXYSUPERMODEL" in the title so I can weed out the spam

First of all you if you can find me a super model who is into monster trucks my guess is that they are not going to be on Next Top Model but more likely be a contestant on Rupaul's Drag Race. Really what it sounds like is this guy is hoping that  he can get a woman to make for the fact that I am guessing that mommy wasn't there. If anyone actually responded to this ad, I think they might be even more clueless than the guy writing it.

Here is the situation. I've got a nice room in shared housing. However, one roommate has moved in a LONG term "guest"(mother) and the LL doesn't think that is much of a problem.

I'd like to have a "house-guest" of my own come stay. Hang out all day watching TV in living-room, use kitchen all day, free laundry.

I've even got "Magic Jack" on my computer and a nice cordless phone so you can be on the phone all day if you need. Wireless internet access, etc.

GREAT LOCATION in Cupt right off Stevens Creek Blvd main bus line near the new Whole Foods.

The idea is to get other roommates and LL to say "Let's have a new house rule and strict, SHORT time limit on any "house guests", and maybe a new "house rule" about "only those who pay rent are allowed in kitchen" or something".

SO, this holiday season, if you have someone who would like a nice warm house to live in for a while, free of charge, free food etc..... Let me know! Hopefully someone who will be "hanging out" all day in the house and generally have a "big footprint".

You could crash on the couch in the living room or crash in my room or my extra room with air-mattress I have.... But the main idea is to have you generally in everyone's way ;) .

Big, slobby, strange acting, etc. persons preferred, but all will be considered. 

This guy is a genius. I mean let's think about it, this could be a job that is turned into a reality show for Spike or MTV. I don't think anyone can turn out a free place to live especially since they have a Magic Jack.