Sunday, April 21, 2013

Hall of Hotties

I am so sorry that is going up much later than I really wanted. We were supposed to have this up yesterday to celebrate the world's greatest non holiday 4:20. However, due to some technical difficulties we were not able to post everything we were wanting to get to. Oh, who I am kidding, it was just a giant orgy happening with men, women and some animals. Some sick bastard decided to bring a cactus which made the festivities even more weird and not as kinky as it should have been but it does give a whole new meaning to thorn in the side. I digress, we are better late than never and have some big news concerning The Hall of Hotties. Starting on May 1st and running through June 30th, it will be the return of The Hall of Hotties Contest. If you have been called hot, here is your chance to prove it. Not only are we having a contest but we have upped the prizes that can be won. We are going to be giving this year's winner over a $150 worth of prizes. Stay tuned over the next couple of weeks for details on this year's contest.

As many of you know, I am a huge television fan. I will pretty much watch anything that is placed in front of me. Lately, I have caught myself watching a lot more reality TV than I normally do. Lifetime got me hooked on a show, which is kind of sad because I am not a middle aging woman that has an abusive husband or likes to cry every 10 minutes while eating bon bons. Granted, it would be the life of a champion to be a stay at home trophy wife, and I think I would enjoy the pampering way to much. The show is Preacher's Daughters. I feel like just saying that means that I have reached a whole new level of guilty pleasure shows. But there is one reality show that has made me stop whatever I normally do on that night. My Sunday nights have been now revolving around TLC. Yes, the same channel that brings you, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and Toddlers and Tiaras actually got me hooked on one of their reality shows. The show is centered around the only 5 star trailer park in the country. If that sounds weird to you, you are not the only one. I never think resort when I think Trailer Park but the show Welcome To Myrtle Manor, puts a nice spin on living in a trailer park. In all honesty it is like living in a small town with how everything goes down in this little community of trailers. It could be hearing the gossip at the hair salon called Tangulls or seeing what kind of party Taylor is going to be throwing. You might even see a security guard with a somewhat Hitleresque mustache. However, this is the Hall of Hotties and for the first time in the history of the Hall, we are not inducting one. Two isn't even enough for this induction. This will be the first time in the history of the Hall we are going to be inducting three hotties.

We start this induction off the beautiful blonde bombshell that lives in Myrtle Manor. I bet you are wondering how she pays her rent, well, if you have never seen the show, Sunday nights at 9 central on TLC. She pays her rent by selling wieners. Chelsey is one half of the sexiest hot dog sales girls in the country. On the show she is starting to gather feelings for her neighbor Jared but rejected him when he did try to see if there was more there. Thanks to Roy, the residential gay hairdresser of Myrtle Manor, she saw the light and is now official with Jared. She is the girl next door, if you happen to live in a trailer park. I know there is one thing for sure, I would gladly put not just one of her wieners in my mouth. That did not sound as bad in my head as did on paper. Chelsey, if you happen to read this, you're hot, you're sweet, and you could sell me more than just hot dogs.

I don't know about many of you out there. I am guessing the answer to this question is not just yes but a loud yelling HELL YES!!! How many of you love a down to earth country girl? I bet you said yes and it was faster than Bolt's time at the Olympics. Amanda, is the other half of the group called The Wiener Girls. This girl can kill an animal and I am guessing she can also field dress it as well, which kind of scares me writing this because I feel like saying all the dirty things that I would do with this Georgia peach. I am thinking my head would be mounted on the wall of her and Chelsey's trailer and no one wants that but I couldn't think of a better way to go. Amanda, is a fighter and proved that in the episode where she whooped Chelsey's old roommate. Amanda if you read this, let's just have a beer while I make a complete ass out of myself trying to flirt with you.

The final induction into this trifecta  of trailer park sexiness is the woman is who is in an off again on again, bed getting peed on, relationship. Jessica is the girl that you could take home to mom, and then all of you would go out get drunk and have one hell of a time. When the show first aired Jessica, was in a relationship with party promoter Taylor. He kept getting upset with this trailer park sex kitten. One night she went out to have a good time and came back to find that her bed was peed on. Now, there may or may not be a pee conspiracy as to who did pee in the bed. She can party, she can make you smile, make you blush, make you pissed, (just ask Amanda) or she can spit fire. Seriously if you have seen the episode where she spit fire, I know that I couldn't stand up for a few minutes. I am a freak and it's ok. Jessica if you read this, let's see what kind of fire we can spit up.

If all three of you read this, I will make the readers of this site and three of you a vow, I will come to Myrtle Beach in July and be the wiener for at least a week. Again that did not sound as bad in my head as it does to be written out.